How it felt to study abroad ? Real life experience

Saturday, June 22, 2019 EJ 1 Comments

Hi guys and Assalamualaikum,

It's eqa yeahh. Tbh I've been wanting to post an update about my current life but sadly I always busy. And some people came across my blog and asked about Ielts ebook and wanted to know my experience while studying abroad. Okay so for sapa yang tak tau aku study abroad. If you ever read my previous post where aku share about my experience doing IELTS test and why aku ambik that test. Nanti hang paham la. Rajin sikit geledah my post tak banyak pun cause i rarely post. Ada yang mengarut but ada yang informative okay hahaha. So back to our topics.

To introduce a little bit about myself la, so korang tak macam pelik ke dengan aku yang expect korang kenal aku personally. So ceritanya, I was a graduate from KPTM batu pahat. Aku ada post pasal kptm tu hahaha. Sila lah baca. Promote sikit. I have a major in graphic design. Aku rasa like tak ramai kenal aku. Tapi post tu ramai gak yang baca and I just realize someone from kptm use it as marketing purpose for them. Siap share link kptm kat comment post tu hahahah. Maaf cik kalau nak suruh saya promote KPTM. Please pay me hahaha. Marketing always come with financial support okay. Atleast mintak la izin tuan blog. I need some money okay to survive.

So how I manage to study abroad. Well I definitely not one of rich asian kidsss. You guys could probably guess that I get it through my scholarship from MARA. Yeah MARA yang aku dok kutuk tu la. Yang hantar aku pi study abroad. Yeah haha. Bukan kutuk apa just the system tu aku a bit tak berkenan. But it's alright. For any MARA representative yg baca ni thanks la sebab sudi sponsor saya. Jasamu dikenang selalu. How I get this scholarship korang probably ask this cause I know how malaysian are sooooo damn obsessed with studying abroad. It's not always beautiful like they portrays in drama. I would to tell you why. Sat naa... aku nak bebel pasal diri aku jap. I don't really consider myself as "pandai". Probably just lucky and you know I'm just doing what I love. Aku rasa every each of us have different values means that I could be better in this but you might be better in other stuff like I might not. So aku rasa tak perlulah kita jealous with others and just focused on ourselves. If you really want to study abroad, make it happen. It's a good experience tho and it's really mentally challenging haha. I do sacrifice a lot of things to come here. Every dreams come with stakes you know.

Soooo in July 2018, I flew to New Zealand to pursue my dreams. Wah I didn't know what is my dreams tho. So aku pun ambik major yang aku tak sangka aku ada courage nak habiskan duit MARA study benda ni. Which is "filmmaking" hahahaha. Lawak tak. Aku sendiri pun rasa lawak tapi aku rasa macam come on girl, this is the moment for eqa to rise and shine wuhuu. Aku tak bagitau sedara mara yg aku ambik course ni sebab aku tau some type of typical judgement towards this course like takde masa depan. And older generation mostly tak paham and appreciate arts as much as young generation yg lebih open minded. Yeah aku paham. So aku just cakap multimedia but still ada yang cakap "kenapa jauh sangat belajar ambik multimedia je" hahaha this comment is quite harsh tho. Like tak boleh ke aku nak study multimedia jauh jauh. Biarlah. Takkan boleh study law, economics, business or accountant je kat luar negara.  Came from makcik bawang. So makcik bawang probably don't have dreams. So aku ignore je la. Like hello bila aku dah jadi director terkemuka kat dunia ni baru kau nak cari and jilat tapak kaki aku luls. Gurau je. Makcik pakcik jangan triggered okay haha.

In my family, I am the only child yang study oversea. Actually my mum tak bagi hahahah but aku pujuk dia cakap ni destiny aku kena fulfill eceh haha. Sebab weh bila lagi aku nak cuba tinggal kat negara orang. This is the moment bro. I have to do this. Lagipun masa tu nothing hold me back in Malaysia. Like aku tak sambung study, aku tak jumpa kerja, aku takde relationship hahaha (okay ni sedih). So bak kata shawn mendes "There's nothing holding me back". And bila lagi nak dapat peluang orang nak taja hang. Lagipun memang dari first sem aku kat KPTM aku struggle gila-gila and score dean list every semester sebab aku nak dapat study abroad la. Tapi tbh aku takde la berharap sangat sebab MARA kan penuh dengan janji manismu. So aku chill-chill je la. Tapi tulah Allah tu dah siapkan jalan untuk aku.  I just follow my destiny babe. Okay done ah intro banyak gila.

Orang kita selalu macam agung-agungkan sangat kan study luar kan kononnya pandai. Speaking english fluent la apa la. Well the fact is english aku teruk gila. I mean like I don't speak english at home. Most of my friends back in Malaysia are all Malays for godsake. Kenapa aku nak study oversea sebab aku nak cabar diri aku. Aku nak keluar dari comfort zone aku. Tbh aku memang independent since young, aku ni free spirit sikit aku tak suka ikut rules sangat haha. Aku suka think different. Eceh. Parents i memang tak risau if i nak pergi travel mana mana pun. Cause they know me. Aku boleh je nak tinggal mana mana kat dalam malaysia. Aku boleh adapt. Tapi aku nak tengok adakah aku mampu untuk survive kat negara orang where aku takde family or close friends kat sana. That was my true intention actually. And then since I kan acah nak travel backpackers la konon. So of course la i nak pergi New Zealand sendiri tengok dengan kepala sendiri. Lagipun NZ memang ada dalam bucket list aku lol.

So right now aku dah 2nd year, kira dah setahun aku duduk sini. So far so good. I mean i can adapt. But lately ni aku macam rindu sangat life aku kat Malaysia. Haha pelik kan. Dah duduk sini nak balik Malaysia pulak. Well life is tough man. Luar memang nampak happy. But hati ni siapa la tau. I mean i didn't have real close friends here. So sometimes I am so depressed about it but didn't know where to let go what was in my heart. I admit I do met a lot of new people but you know I didn't found any chemistry with them. Aku bila ada problem aku selalu keep it inside. I didn't share with my family cause I didn't want them to worry about me. Lagi lagi my mum. Kalau dia tau i struggling mentally she must be so sad about it. So aku diamkan je. Aku rasa mental health is quite important la since kita sorang kat sini. Apa apa jadi you need to figure it out sendiri. Aku selalu rasa empty and sunyi. And I didn't know how to remove that feeling. Is it normal? It's not about love life ke apa benda hahaha. Bukan pasal tu. Ntah lah labu. Saya pun tak tau. Masa first 6 month aku datang sini. Aku sangat- sangat depressed. Adalah beberapa kali aku nangis hahaha. I didn't know I was so fragile. Bila aku datang sini aku nak excel in my study but my english was freaking bad weh. Korang tau tak masa 1st semester adalah dalam 2 months aku tak paham accent lecturer aku tu hahaha. Aku tak paham cara orang kat sini belajar. Aku slow and blur so menambahkan stress aku. Kawan aku pulak jenis cepat pickup tapi tak reti tolong kawan struggling. Bagi aku kawan kat sini setakat tu je la. Bukan kawan susah senang. Aku literally rasa I'm the dumbest person in that lecturer hall. Aku kat malaysia aku macam very outspoken and extrovert. Aku tak takut jumpa orang baru. Tapi bila aku datang sini my personality changing drastically. Aku mula tak confident dengan diri. Aku susah nak adapt dengan classmates. Aku insecure sangat dengan english aku and diri aku. I'm just feel I'm not good enough to be here. And sebab aku adalah student tajaan buat aku lagi stress nak reach dorang punya expectation.

Ada la one time in this class. Belajar pasal circuit la programming la coding. Aku memang blur pasal coding and I hate it for godsake. Tak tau asal aku sign up that course haha. Lecturer tu orang aussie. And korang tau la mat saleh cakap laju gila. Pastu pace kelas tu laju. Pastu asyik kena buat experiment circuit yang aku tak paham tu. Aku nangis weh sebab tak dapat follow their pace. Tak pernah dalam hidup aku nangis sebab lembap nak paham apa orang ajar. Tu la aku macam asal aku nangis hahaha. Tapi sebab aku kecewa sangat dengan diri aku. And aku struggling tapi takde sape tolong aku. Sebab tu kot. But sebab benda ni jadi bagus gak. Sebab lecturer tu nampak aku lepas tu. I mean she give extra attention to me. I work my ass off to impress her. Hari hari aku stayback kat workshop nak siapkan project. Aku first year weh tapi project aku buat 3rd year pun kagum. Hahah poyo. Masa presentation aku menang best award and get many attention from other classmates. Aku serious seronok gila. Sebab aku belajar bangkit dari failure you know. Pastu aku dapat masuk magazine uni aku. Sumpah terharu. Kat Malaysia aku takdelah work hard sangat. Tapi kat sini aku gandakan my effort to get recognition from them.

Aku belajar banyak sangat benda kat sini. I suprising improve my english when I study here. I'm not the fluent english speaker ever. Tapi aku improve la. Aku dah tak takut speak english. And aku comfortable je nak cakap dengan orang. Aku suprisingly and naturally dah tengok bukak subtitle bila tengok english show kat youtube. Masa aku kat Malaysia kalau takde benda tu memang tidak paham saya. Namapka tak long terrm benefitnya. Last year aku macam susah sikit nak communicate dengan my groupmates. Tapi sem ni aku cam seronok gila buat project dengan diorg. Sebab my groupmates semua baik-baik and I'm so happy cause they very open and listen to my idea and we get along pretty well. Aku macam grateful gila aku jumpa diorg as my teammate. Aku dapat kawan from vietnam, china, europe, filipino and NZ. Aku tak pernah ada kawan different race. And I am happy to be friend with them. Aku dulu takut nak cakap dengan lecturer. Tapi sekarang aku suka tanya diorang. I slowly getting my confidence back. Kat sini banyak presentation, dulu aku takut nak present even 1 minute pun sebab you know my english was so shitty back then. Aku selalu rasa diorang macam better than me. But sekarang ni aku rasa, alah diorang semua sama. Aku ada kelebihan aku sendiri. Aku maybe tak fluent english tapi aku ada pengalaman lain, aku belajar graphic and aku boleh speak 2 language okay. Hahaha. Berlagak pulak. Sorry just trying to convince myself. So aku dah tak takut nak present depan diorang. 

Aku punya dreams nak break the stereotypes yang diorang ada for muslim. Aku sedar aku and my friend je the only muslim dalam course tu. So kira 2 orang je perempuan bertudung dalam hall tu haha. Kitorang pun bukan kelas sentiasa sama pun. Masing masing ada minat sendiri. So aku memang dah biasa dah being the only muslim. Dulu aku macam insecure tau tapi sekarang aku macam try to get along with them. Try to show them i can shoot video like them too. Aku rasa diorang pun maybe takut nak tegur aku sebab tak biasa tengok orang pakai tudung study film kan kat sana. I mean i get it. So aku take initiative to approach them. Course aku ni sumpah banyak sesi ice breaking classmate la buat presentation la. Every courwe ada groupwork la. Kena berlakon la. Acting tu sumpah aku tak suka. Hahaha sebab aku tak suka acting okay like urghh taknak. Dorang sini acting power weh macam dalam tv. Kat Malaysia kan student malay selalu acting kaku kan hahaha. Tapi sini tak weh. So beza culture kat sini and Malaysia. Diorang bawak hal sendiri. And dalam class tu tak semua kenal each other. Dah habis semester pun maybe kitorang still tak tau nama each other. Tu biasa. But sebab aku malay kan so aku selalu ingat nama nama diorang. Sebab deep in my heart I want to get along with them luls. Tapi diorang tak pernah ingat nama aku. Kay sedih. Crush aku pun maybe tak tau nama aku. Even aku banyak gak tegur dia hahahahaha. Sedihhhhh. Okay ermm aku rasa itu je kot aku nak cerita pada hari yang indah ni. This is totally my personal experience takde kena mengena dengan orang lain. Some people memang suka sangat study sini. Aku macam tengah - tengah. Ada pros and cons but I'm okay tho. If you guys read this. Please doakan eqa sihat walafiat and stay strong. Cause your pray can help me to survive mentally and physically. Inshaallah. Pastu if you guys have any more topic and things you guys want to know. Please drop comment below. Insyaallah aku baca and aku cuba update and story lagi pasal hidup aku. Hehe. Doakan saya and jumpa lagi di next post. Kalau ada lah. Assalamualaikum byeee ~

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