New dreams with new perspective
Assalamualaikum semua,
How it's going? Im just fine living my life here hustling everyday. I think it's about time to open up. To share my my lifelong dreams and also concerns. When I was young i have lot things i want to do. But all of that comes with limitation. Because of my background. I came from a working class family. We are not rich nor too poor. But we are struggling everyday. So alot of things i wanted to try always need money in process to achieve that. And our family is quite traditional. I never got supported to do things i wanted. Like i always wanted to learn piano, learn swimming school. And many more childhood dreams that i never got to achieved.
But now I am an adult I was capable to do all of that. But again money was also a problem. And also time. You spend the whole week to find money to pay for living cost. It is hard. A lot of sacrifices to deal with it. I live in New Zealand right now but Im not like doing a great job finding job. I still living off cleaning a museum. I've been working there for almost a year now. I know it's not what i wanted to do in life. But for the time being working, I think i did grow myself. I did grow my perspective. Into looking to other people's shoes. To be grateful to even see a museum in close proximity. I always said I wanted to make difference. Lately I have been thinking of how to make it happen.
I feel like i should start a youtube channel. Documenting my life here. I am super broke hahaha. But that doesn't take away my happiness. I think my perspective is so different now. I start to give this city a chance. A chance that I have never willing to give. Today i watched a documentary about people who living in a extreme climate. Surviving in the -71 celcius place. And the person that tells the story is the local who was from that village. It is so inspiring actually. When you say nothing is interesting in your life. I feel like we just need to look around us. Have a sit with yourself and observe. Observe all things around us and widen you perspective. The people in the village able to see the beauty of their place despite that extreme climate they have to overcome.
There is one quote from the video,
"After all, there is no such thing as bad weather, there is just weather and your attitude towards it"
That is super fucking deep, I do reflecting on myself on how much i used to despise this windy city, Wellington that I have lived for over past 4 years. I only look at the worst of it and decided to hate it. Just because of the wind. The wind can be so extreme at times and it's so cold. But you know once i started to open up and give this place a chance. I think everything changes. If you can't fight the wind, follow the wind. Embrace the wind. And enjoy the sensation of it. And it's true it is not so bad. It has pros and cons. Your attitude towards it will help you to overcome it.
I think it's about time to really start to make plans and just do it. I want to visit home next year with plans. Like I know what I am doing in NZ. Everytime people asked me what I am doing right now. I just don't know how to tell them. Cause I wanted to make a difference. I want my work to be inspiring and help others. Cleaning is actually making a difference. But it also was under appreciated. Was looked down especially in my culture. I appreciate this job really change my perspective. I always busy working on project with people. For the first time in my life I working alone and Idk i just developed this introverted intuition. Or Im calling it "perspective". I always have busy life but over the past year I manage to have time with myself. Exploring thoughts and imagination. Reflecting and self-growth i guess. And actually it's not so bad cleaning. I make friends with the team which from diverse background - Cook island, Maori, Columbia, Ethiopia and many more. I talked to them and just you know exchanging stories and cultures. It's super amazing. And i feel like there is so much values in me that i have realized. I love to work to serve others. If my sort of job can make a difference to people in the community I am more than happy.
I dont remember if i share this with you guys, but apart of cleaning. I do have other project i have been working on. I am the project manager for an exhibition for 65th anniversary malaysia and nz bilateral relation. Since I was well known in the malaysian community to make film. I was approached by the Malaysia's ambassador to collaborate on this project. We did a short documentary film last 2 years for independence day. And it was successful and a great experience. Now we collab again for an exhibition and it is super exciting. I want to do this properly cause i feel like a super deep connection with exhibition and museum. The first time i feel like i want to be a part of exhibition when I visited Van Gogh alive from last year. I feel like it's super align with my values to educate and also able to input my creativity on how to present the content to the public. Sometimes i just feel like strongly there is a reason why i was put to clean in the museum. Like i feel like it meant to be. So maybe I will search a job in those area or any social worker job. I thought would be great for me.
I do have alot of bucket list and plans in future. But the most important in my life right now is this moment. Once i finished the exhibition, i just gotta to start looking new job. Get out from my comfort zones again. And overcome this long anxiety of starting over. You just gotta do it girl. It's hard until you out of it. Bounce back. That is the only way to grow. And you do this so many times and you can fucking do it all again. You bounce back everytime you have reached rock bottom. And now to prove to yourself that you are more than what you thing you are.
Okay done my pep talk with myself hahaha. Everyone who read this please pray for my well being and my journey to live here. See you guys next time 😊
0 comments:
Post a Comment